Updates

Hi All,

Sorry I have not been posting here. I have been in Cancerland, which is no wheres as fun as it sounds. It's scary, lonely and miserable at times. I am very blessed though to have my husband, family and friends to help me through. I have another long infusion coming up Wednesday. The long infusions are the infusions that make me sick :-P  So not looking forward to that.

Update, I had my wonderful husband buzz my head while my mother-in-law held my hand. Hair was coming out by the handful and I refused to sit there miserable crying every time hair came out. It does not look as bad as I thought it would. I even went hatless in Target. I did not get any stares, it was not as bad as I thought it would be.

I am going to try to update this blog more often.

For my chemo brothers and sisters. Chemo sucks doesn't it? Just think of it this way. Yeah chemo makes you sick and saps your energy but just think. While it is doing all that; it is killing the cancer too! We just have to hang in there through all the crap. If we do that we will kick cancer bootay!!

That is all for now,

-I Fight Like a Woman

Chemo Sucks

Hi All,

Sorry for the delay in posting. Chemo is kicking my butt, more importantly it is kicking the Cancers butt, hopefully a lot worse than mine!

Peoples reaction and side effects to Chemo varies widely; some have no issues at all, others have every side effect in the book and then some. I am in the middle, Thank God.

During chemo I may be less active on this blog, it takes focus most times just to get through the day. For instance, today I have this sour taste in my mouth that will not go away, it is making me nauseous and driving me crazy. Trying to find a drink to tame the taste will probably take a significant part of my day.

to my chemo bros and sisters hang in there. I know there are days where I do not know how I am going to get through this. The only thing that keeps me going is my husband, I am going to grow old with that man, so somehow I will make it through this!

That is all for now,

I Fight Like a Woman

I do not feel like blogging today

However as promised I am going to keep blogging through this journey. Today I saw the oncologist, my first infusion is Wens. They will be injecting three chemo drugs into my body with a bunch of other stuff. Hopefully the benadryl will make me sleepy. My mother in law is coming into town to help me through this, thankfully. I am so blessed with wonderful family and friends.

When I met with the oncologist today she told me that this is not fair, she called it a nightmare, which it is. But, I realized something, with nightmares you eventually end up waking up. For the next 6 months, I will be undergoing chemo therapy; then maybe radiation while continuing on infusions of one drug for one year. At some point I will have surgery. I will make it!

That is all for now,

-I Fight Like a Woman

Rough Day

Well it is official the cancer has spread to my lymph node. I have done a lot of crying today as you can imagine. The rest of this week is going to be spent doing chemo prep. Monday, my birthday I am having a port put in. How sucktastic is that?? At least I will get some good drugs on my birthday :-p

So on tap for the rest of this week: Drs. appointments, pre-op (for the port), Dental appointment (shutter), cleaning, sanitizing, bleaching my home. Friday eve hanging with my buddy Liz, shopping! This weekend pre-chemo cut and possible color, shall I go purple,, anyone??? Must buy hats and put together my chemo kit.

I am currently taking recommendations for headwear. I would love to wear a faux fur hat to work hehehe.
This is happening so fast, I am terrified but relieved to be working towards getting this cancer out of my body. DEATH to this cancer!!!!

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For those that are going through the same thing. I am so sorry (((hug))). It feels awful doesn't it? It is okay to cry, you are still strong you will still beat this. If you are about to need chemo and need a chemo buddy, e-mail me. Or you can just keep up with my blog. Is chemo a little farther in your future, watch my blog, I will lay it all out here for you to see; you will know what to expect. You are not alone. We can do this!

My Biopsy and a quote

Hello All,

Yesterday I went in for my biopsies. Had taken a Valium before I left; unfortunately I had such a long wait that it had worn off by the time I was called into the back. So they did the ultra sound scans. The Radiologist came in and told me that my left breast looked fine, in fact they could barely see anything there via ultrasound. However, he did see some concerning lymph nodes in my right side, so he biopsied them. I asked if he thought there was any chance that there is no cancer in the nodes. He said more than likely the cancer has spread to those lymph nodes, so bummer. That would be automatic chemo.

Results will be in by my next appointment Tuesday. Depending on what the Surgeon decides I may be having surgery Wens.

So now I am prepping for a whirl wind of treatment. So many questions, surgery or chemo first? How much work will I miss? Will I be able to see The Hobbit in theatre? Will I look strange with a purple pixie cut? Will I learn to draw eye brows? Will there ever be world peace? Will the world end Dec 21st making all this a moot point? Will my evil cat take over the world? Are sporks really going to be our best weapon during the zombie Apocalypse? Will I beat this Cancer?

I do not know the answers to any of these questions except for the last one. YES I will beat this cancer, I will kick its bootay!!!

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For my BC sisters and brothers! Yes, men get breast cancer too...A quote...

"You can get so confused that you'll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place..." Dr. Suess from Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I can identify with this so much right now. I was diagnosed and so gung ho trying to figure out this maze, going to Drs. appointments, testing, getting all of this information. And along the way I am stuck in this waiting place. Waiting to find out what the next step of my treatment will be, how bad this cancer really is. The good news is the waiting place does not last forever, we need to power through and then time will come for action. We will go through our treatments and we will win this war... And just so you know the story in Oh, the Places You'll Go! ends with success. "And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)" And if you do not quit and keep going on the chance of success goes up! I am ready to push through and beat this thing 100 percent guaranteed!

That is all for now,

I Fight Like A Woman!

More News...

Today when I was at work I got a phone call from the breast center where I had my last biopsy informing me that I am scheduled for another biopsy tomorrow, because of the MRI results. Crazy! They acted like I already knew, I said "No, this is the first I am hearing about this".

So this afternoon I went in to see the surgeon who informed me that I do not just need one biopsy, i need two! They found an enlarged lymph node under my right arm and a mass in the other breast. And even more than that my HER2 results are back so they are positive. Which means I am getting a port and a years worth of Herceptin. The good news is Herceptin is really great at killing cancer. 

Once the biopsy results are back we should have a treatment plan. 

Treatment will happen soon I am looking at possible surgery next Wens. Either mastectomy, or mastectomies or just a port.

If just a port I will probably be beginning chemo right around my birthday December 10th! 

I took a hard hit today. I felt beaten down. I still feel kind of beaten down and not optimistic about the two biopsies. But, no matter the results of these biopsies, I will WIN! I will beat this cancer. I will grow old with my husband!!!!!

For those of you taking your own hard hits in your cancer battle, do not give up. No matter what they throw at you, you will beat this. No matter how many times you cry and want to give up, you won't. You know why?? Because you are BRAVE! You are STRONG. You will FIGHT LIKE A WOMAN. Because women kick breast cancer bootay!

-that is all for now

I Fight Like A Woman

Genetic Testing and a MRI

So I went to see the genetic counselor today. Since I have breast cancer so young they want to make sure its  not mutated genes. I am unsure about family history on my fathers' side so it is especially important that I get this. My husband discussed possibly looking for my father and my half siblings to fill some pieces to the whole heredity puzzle. I am unsure where to begin on that.

The MRI went okay. It was a tube that was open on both sides. A breast MRI is a little different than a regular MRI; most notably you lay on your stomach with your breasts hanging through a board into openings. Your breasts are slightly compressed. Also if your MRI is like mine, you will need contrast. The contrast for MRI's is different than for traditional xrays and or CT scans. It is safer, less of a chance of a negative reaction. The material injected is called gadolinium. The side effects per the tech could be a warming sensation in your abdomen and nausea. When I went in for my MRI I already had heart burn, once that stuff was injected I had the worst case of reflux in my life. It may be from the contrast or just the fact I was laying on my stomach for so long. The whole thing including putting the line in and waiting for my turn lasted about one hour. Per the tech I was only in the machine for 25 or so minutes.
Overall it was not a bad experience.

Now to wait for the results of both tests and to see what my next step is. I hope to hear the results of the MRI Thursday and it could take 2 weeks for the genetics results. I am hoping to have those results before my surgery because if I have a genetic issue I may need to make a very difficult decision.

For all those going through this process, l know it is difficult and scary. Things are happening so fast and you still do not know everything. Heck, I do not even know the stage of my cancer yet! But I just have to keep on hanging in there. If I can do this, so can you! We will make it, we will beat our cancers and we will survive. 

That is all for now,

I Fight Like a Woman!

My Cancer Break, well sorta

I apologize for not posting for the past two days. I really needed a break from this cancer thing. I just did not want to be so focused on it over the holiday. I did talk about it over the past couple of days, for instance I gave my best buddy Liz an update as we were shopping today. It seems I cannot get away from it after all.

So an update, I am going through the process of making a very personal decision in regards to this cancer treatment. I will be able to make my final decision once the rest of the tests are completed.

On tap for this week

Genetic Testing: To see if I have mutated genes that caused this.

MRI w/ contrast: Not too wild about the contrast thing, or the laying there on my stomach for 45 minutes, but I am going to do what I got to do. Thank Hashem (God) for Valium.

Follow up appointment with the surgeon to kind of make decisions about the next step. Depending on the MRI, I may need more biopsys; YUCK! I kind of just want to get the surgery over with and move onto the next phase of treatment whatever that may be.

I am so hoping I do not need Chemo or Radiation!!! Good thoughts and prayers on that please.

Oh, and on the bright side I have work this week! Not going to take any crap from my vendors this week.

For those going through breast cancer, try to take a break from Cancer land. I know it is hard, almost anything I do the thought of Cancer enters my mind. I hear it gets easier. But, even taking 5 minutes and jamming out to a song is helpful.

Well that is all for now,

I Fight Like A Woman!!

Positives

In honor of Thanksgiving I have decided to post a list of things that I am Thankful for.

My Amazing husband- he is why I will fight this thing as hard as I can- no negotiations, I am beating this Cancer and growing old with him. I love him more than words can say.

My Mom, she is wonderful, always there for me. I love her!

The rest of my family, who is very supportive.

My friends, especially Liz, who I can laugh with, talk philosophy with, and who is also super supportive and will help me get through this thing.

My work: I LOVE my job, it is challenging, a pain in the butt, super stressful. But, at the end of the day I love it.

My colleagues and bosses: The ones that I have told so far have been super supportive and great about this whole thing. They also help me get through the stressful day by laughing with me about the insanity of it all.

God: We are having a tough time right now but when it comes right down to it. I believe in her, I love her and I hope that she will see me through this thing!

Philosophy: I love philosophy! I spend many hours pondering life, God, the world, everything. I also love reading what other philosophers think, picking apart their arguments, at times laughing at them, other times agreeing with them.

History: It is amazing to learn about our past and see how much things have changed and how much they have stayed the same.

Books: I love reading. Fiction, non fiction! This world would be a very lame place without books. Books can be so much better than television because you get to picture the world for yourself. They can pull you out of this world and bring you to another one. I will be doing a lot of reading on this journey!

I know the punctuation etc of this post is horrid, please ignore that! I am still waking up and did not feel like editing or paying attention to that stuff.

That is all for now,

I Fight Like A Woman!

Emotional Rollercoaster

Went to the surgeon this morning, he had great news, I had non invasive breast cancer, there was a chance I wouldn't even need chemo, just a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy. The only way I was going to need chemo is if HER2 was positive. Oh and there was a good chance I could still have a baby when all was said and done.

Met with the radiation oncologist today, who explained radiation to me. Had lunch with my husband.

Just a few minutes ago I got another call from the surgeon, he misread the report and while some samples were non invasive, some of the others were. So next step MRI to check out the lymph nodes. If they are enlarged lymph node biopsy. If it has spread to the lymph nodes I will need chemo.

Having a really rough time right now. Scared. Everything is moving so fast. I do not know what the future holds in terms of treatment. Long day.

That being said I am still kicking this cancers butt.

That is all for now,

I Fight Like a Woman!

Life goes on

Well, it is back to work for me today. Something I noticed when my husband was first diagnosed with his cancer and now that I have been diagnosed with my cancer; no matter what the world keeps on turning, life keeps moving. It feels so odd; here I am feeling like I am at a standstill, locked in the shock of the news, fixated on it and the rest of the world is business as usual. I feel like yelling: Hey! Slow down a minute, I have just been kicked in the gut! But the world just keeps on going.

I understand that is the way it needs to be, people have their lives after all. It just seems like I am locked in this place while everything is racing around me.

That being said I am happy the world is still turning and life is still moving. It is reassuring.

My fellow warriors: Take a deep breath, as difficult as it is, it does make things easier.


That is all for now,

I Fight Like A Woman

What we know so far

Dear Friends and Family and others who come across this blog,

This is what we know so far. I have what is known as Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, It is Estrogen and Progesterone receptive.

Do not let the term invasive scare you, this does not mean it is all over my body. It just means that it can and perhaps has invaded nearby tissues.  The fact that it is Estrogen and Progesterone receptive is a good thing, it means we know at least part of what is feeding this thing.

I have an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday where I will learn more and perhaps even have a plan laid out for me. A plan to beat this thing- Heck yeah!


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For those of you going through the same thing right now or that have been through it. It is scary as hell isn't it? Not having all the information is the worst! But, we just got to hang in there and take it one step at a time. Just remember even if you are just diagnosed you are already a survivor, a warrior! I am taking this time to regroup, assemble my forces (team of supporters and medical team) and create a battle plan. I will win this war and so will you!!!

That is all for now,

-I Fight Like a Woman!!

Diagnosis and my journey so far

It all began a few weeks ago. I was experiencing something every woman experiences; breast pain. I decided to check things out and I noticed that my right breast looked different. My first thought was oh crap! I need to go to the doctor. I went to the PA, who automatically decided I needed a mammogram. Went for the mammogram and then needed an ultrasound. The ultrasound and mammogram were both suspicious;  Birads 4.

I was scared but still hopeful, after all most biospys even on Birads 4 patients end up being benign. So I went on with life the best I could, A couple days later, yesterday actually I got a call from the radiologist with the results. I missed the call because I was busy working, I saw that he had called and I thought I best call him back now. Went into the hall outside of the floor where I work and got the news. "I have the results of your biopsy, unfortunately it was positive." The worst part is that he would not even give me details about the cancer. AND according to him I would get info the week after thanksgiving when I saw a surgeon. I broke down right in the hallway, so embarrassing. The timing was perfect however because the HR trainer came out and asked what was wrong I told her. She ran over and hugged me and helped me up stairs to HR. They called my mom who came picked me up and brought me home.

I made several calls got my appointment moved up to this Tuesday and called a nurse advocate who had a copy of my pathology report and explained things to me. Just telling this story is emotionally exhausting. I will tell more later.

For those of you coming across this blog; whether you are awaiting a mammogram, biopsy, just diagnosed or have been battling for years.. you are not alone.

For friends and family that come across this blog. I am going to fight like hell. I am not going to let this beat me. No way is this cancer going to deprive me of growing old with my husband- my mantra for right now.

I apologize for the typos and horrible punctuation.