Huzzah, As a gamer chic I think I most certainly leveled. The actual infusion was not bad, got home and surprisingly did not fall straight to sleep. I did take a small nap tho. Now is the time of infusion night when the side effects begin to creep in, boo hiss! I just need to keep thinking is that it is killing the cancer. I am so going for a PCR (Pathological Complete Response).
I and my husband are currently in the process of making a difficult decision about my upcoming surgery. Hopefully we will make the right one.
Next steps are surgery, pills, possible radiation and reconstruction. So much more ahead of me. Right now I am a mix of emotions, so happy that I am done with Chemo! Angry that all of this is happening to me. Hopeful that everything will turn out okay. Terrified that the cancer can come back.
That is the thing about breast cancer. It can always come back. There will always be a chance that there are dormant cancer cells in my body that the chemo did not kill. I am doing everything possible to prevent that!
Any who, on the positive side, i finished my last chemo today! The hair on my head seems to be coming back slowly and patchy. My nails are growing again. And hopefully we will have spring weather soon!
On the sad side. A wonderful lady from one of my chemo support groups got her wings yesterday/this morning. She was an amazing woman who is leaving behind a beautiful family. I pray for her and her family. She was such an inspiration to all of us in the group. She was so brave and did so well on her whole journey. I hope she knew/knows how much we all love her and how proud of her we are. RIP my sister!
That is all for now,
-I Fight Like a Woman
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Chemo is hell
Hi All,
Sorry for the delay in posting but, chemo has been sucking, with each infusion I stay sick longer.
Anywho, Wonderful news! Tomorrow is my last infusion of Taxotere and Carboplatin! All I will have to continue getting is Herceptin for a year. Taxotere and Carboplatin are a bear but, so far, Herceptin is not that bad. As promised here are photos of a typical infusion day!
It all begins with checking in, getting vitals taken and blood work!
During chemo you become a human pincushion of sorts. But my phlebotomy team is awesome, so it is not so bad.
Then the next picture shows the joy on my face when I get to see the Oncologist every three weeks! I complain about what ails me then they say something to to tune of I know, perhaps prescribe something but the main message is suck it up, only __ this many more!
Then I take my ticket and go into the infusion room and choose my recliner, These are actually pretty comfy. Here I sit waiting for my port to be accessed.
The next picture shows my friend the IV pole that controls the flow of pois *cough* I mean medicine into my body. Aw heck who am I kidding, I get poison IV's every week and I am still here to tell the tale, pretty cool huh?
Next few pictures are of the premeds I get and take to help my body be able to tolerate the poison. I get 5 different drugs to protect me from the Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin. In no particular order, Decadron (Steriod), Emend (Nausea), Benadryl (Antihistamine), Tylenol, and Aloxi (anti nausea).
Port Accessed, time to get the premeds flowing!!
Next pic I believe is the Herceptin flowing.
Best pic, my view from my chair, that is the bathroom across the way, I always try to sit near a bathroom, and you can see the best support in the world off to the side, that is my husband. I love him so, he is the reason I am fighting so hard. I will grow old with that man!!
There are many more steps in this journey until I am well again but I am so happy that the Chemo will be over soon.
For those going through this are about to go through Chemo as you can see, it is scary but all in all not too bad. I promise after the first infusion you get used to the actual infusion, people are nice and it is a relaxing place. Hang in there you will make it through!
That is all for now
-I Fight Like A Woman
Sorry for the delay in posting but, chemo has been sucking, with each infusion I stay sick longer.
Anywho, Wonderful news! Tomorrow is my last infusion of Taxotere and Carboplatin! All I will have to continue getting is Herceptin for a year. Taxotere and Carboplatin are a bear but, so far, Herceptin is not that bad. As promised here are photos of a typical infusion day!
It all begins with checking in, getting vitals taken and blood work!
During chemo you become a human pincushion of sorts. But my phlebotomy team is awesome, so it is not so bad.
Then the next picture shows the joy on my face when I get to see the Oncologist every three weeks! I complain about what ails me then they say something to to tune of I know, perhaps prescribe something but the main message is suck it up, only __ this many more!
Then I take my ticket and go into the infusion room and choose my recliner, These are actually pretty comfy. Here I sit waiting for my port to be accessed.
The next picture shows my friend the IV pole that controls the flow of pois *cough* I mean medicine into my body. Aw heck who am I kidding, I get poison IV's every week and I am still here to tell the tale, pretty cool huh?
Next few pictures are of the premeds I get and take to help my body be able to tolerate the poison. I get 5 different drugs to protect me from the Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin. In no particular order, Decadron (Steriod), Emend (Nausea), Benadryl (Antihistamine), Tylenol, and Aloxi (anti nausea).
Port Accessed, time to get the premeds flowing!!
Next pic I believe is the Herceptin flowing.
There are many more steps in this journey until I am well again but I am so happy that the Chemo will be over soon.
For those going through this are about to go through Chemo as you can see, it is scary but all in all not too bad. I promise after the first infusion you get used to the actual infusion, people are nice and it is a relaxing place. Hang in there you will make it through!
That is all for now
-I Fight Like A Woman
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Big Tx 4
Today went pretty well, I even took a couple of cat naps during the infusion and one longer nap when I got home. Been trying to stay on top of my nausea medications and hope to sleep well tonight. I did take some pictures today which I will post as soon as I am strong enough and can figure out how to get the pics off of my phone.
The Oncologist had a talk with me about exercise. He says there are days that I will not be able to but I should try on days I can. So I am going to have my wonderful husband take some short walks with me, just in case I get dizzy. The Oncologist said that it will make it easier to recover from my impending surgery.
Two more big infusions to go...then I meet with the surgeon. I am very nervous about that because it will result in missed work and an even greater change in body appearance.
Can't wait to finish all this so I can get back to work and have semi-normal life again.
That is all for now
-I Fight Like A Woman
The Oncologist had a talk with me about exercise. He says there are days that I will not be able to but I should try on days I can. So I am going to have my wonderful husband take some short walks with me, just in case I get dizzy. The Oncologist said that it will make it easier to recover from my impending surgery.
Two more big infusions to go...then I meet with the surgeon. I am very nervous about that because it will result in missed work and an even greater change in body appearance.
Can't wait to finish all this so I can get back to work and have semi-normal life again.
That is all for now
-I Fight Like A Woman
Monday, February 11, 2013
An Update and my spiritual struggle.
Hi All,
Just a little update for you all. I am 1.5 days from big chemo dose 4; very nervous, unsure how bad the recovery will be since I am already so tired; but I will make it through! I have been trying to focus on the future more so than now lately, but it is so hard to focus on the future when you have cancer with a 74% survival rate for 5 years. Now I know my odds are good and I will beat this, it is just sometimes the statistics pop into my mind. It makes me cry because I love life. I am trying to figure out the why of this whole thing. Why would God decide to give me Cancer when my life is going so well. I have a wonderful husband, a wonderful job and I was about to try for my first child. I figure there must be some reason I am going through this. A lot of people talk about God to me, that he will see me through this, one person had said that God told her that he had already cured me. It is kind of difficult when people talk to me about God right now. It's not that I do not believe, I do. It's not that I do not love God, I do. I guess it is a lack of trust and/or just down right anger right now. I do not understand God.
In Christianity, God is all the omnis. Omnibenevolent (all good), Omniscient, Omnipotent. In Judaism, we do not necessarily say that God is the omnis, because God is one, she does not have attributes (thank you Maimonides). That being said if you ask a Jew, they will probably say God is the omni's except for maybe omnibenevolent. To me omnibenevolence would mean that things like this Cancer would not happen. Some would say things may not be good for one person but everything that happens is for the greater good. I do not see how this cancer could be for the greater good. Maybe one day I will understand but, right now I do not.
I was at a friends house today laying on the couch and watching a DVD of a priest's talk. He was talking about suffering. He said that through Jesus; God has experienced suffering and walks with us through it. I do not believe that Jesus is God, but maybe God has suffered at some point and can understand; this is something that I need to meditate on and pray about. Perhaps at the very least God has suffered loneliness after all she created the angels and us.
I will end this with a prayer
Hashem (God) help me know that you are with me, that you have not abandoned me. Help me trust in you even though I am angry. Please allow me to grow old with my husband and if you could throw in a baby or two as well, that would be great.
------------------------------------------------------
For those going through this, if you are not struggling in your relationship with God, great! I am so happy for you. If you are struggling maybe prayer and reflection will help you. If you do not believe in God, I respect that and I hope you are able to gather all the strength you need from another source. Whomever is on this journey, keep on fighting! You will make it through! You are not alone.
That is all for now,
I Fight Like a Woman
Just a little update for you all. I am 1.5 days from big chemo dose 4; very nervous, unsure how bad the recovery will be since I am already so tired; but I will make it through! I have been trying to focus on the future more so than now lately, but it is so hard to focus on the future when you have cancer with a 74% survival rate for 5 years. Now I know my odds are good and I will beat this, it is just sometimes the statistics pop into my mind. It makes me cry because I love life. I am trying to figure out the why of this whole thing. Why would God decide to give me Cancer when my life is going so well. I have a wonderful husband, a wonderful job and I was about to try for my first child. I figure there must be some reason I am going through this. A lot of people talk about God to me, that he will see me through this, one person had said that God told her that he had already cured me. It is kind of difficult when people talk to me about God right now. It's not that I do not believe, I do. It's not that I do not love God, I do. I guess it is a lack of trust and/or just down right anger right now. I do not understand God.
In Christianity, God is all the omnis. Omnibenevolent (all good), Omniscient, Omnipotent. In Judaism, we do not necessarily say that God is the omnis, because God is one, she does not have attributes (thank you Maimonides). That being said if you ask a Jew, they will probably say God is the omni's except for maybe omnibenevolent. To me omnibenevolence would mean that things like this Cancer would not happen. Some would say things may not be good for one person but everything that happens is for the greater good. I do not see how this cancer could be for the greater good. Maybe one day I will understand but, right now I do not.
I was at a friends house today laying on the couch and watching a DVD of a priest's talk. He was talking about suffering. He said that through Jesus; God has experienced suffering and walks with us through it. I do not believe that Jesus is God, but maybe God has suffered at some point and can understand; this is something that I need to meditate on and pray about. Perhaps at the very least God has suffered loneliness after all she created the angels and us.
I will end this with a prayer
Hashem (God) help me know that you are with me, that you have not abandoned me. Help me trust in you even though I am angry. Please allow me to grow old with my husband and if you could throw in a baby or two as well, that would be great.
------------------------------------------------------
For those going through this, if you are not struggling in your relationship with God, great! I am so happy for you. If you are struggling maybe prayer and reflection will help you. If you do not believe in God, I respect that and I hope you are able to gather all the strength you need from another source. Whomever is on this journey, keep on fighting! You will make it through! You are not alone.
That is all for now,
I Fight Like a Woman
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Vlog My Breast Cancer Story So Far...
Here is a video version of my Cancer Journey. You also get to see my beautiful bald head.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Chemo part 2 delayed and...the real deal
I apologize I have not posted chemo prep part two. I filmed it before my most recent Tx and have been struggling. I will try to get it posted in the next few days depending on how I am feeling.
I had a rough weekend and morning due to lovely chemo side effects. Ended up at the Oncologists office getting extra fluids (having trouble drinking enough), steroids, Ativan for nausea and to help me chill out and a perscription to treat my thrush. Yes! I got the horrid Thrush! I also got a talking to about taking my meds, all of my meds when I need them and staying ahead. I am beginning to feel better and I am on board with that.
I had an interesting discussion with my best friend tonight. I usually try to be light about everything, sarcastic at times and I joke.
Tonight she said. Seriously how are you doing? Wow, what a question. It is a difficult one to answer because Cancer treatment is kind of a rollercoaster; just ask my amazing husband. I can be fine one moment and crying my eyes out the next. Between the drugs they give you, the fear you face on an almost daily basis, the loss of control over your life; it is enough to drive anyone mad.
I honestly know very little about what the future holds. I feel okay now, but I can wake up tomorrow feeling like total crap. There are times just hearing my husband play the ukulele; I begin to cry because statistics begin to play in my mind and I wonder, just for a second, will I beat this? Luckily the answer from me at least is a resounding yes, I do not know how I will beat this, but I will. I will grow old with my husband!!
So my answer for my friend was depends on the moment, the day. I need to break things down into moment by moment, day by day. Like for this moment I am doing okay. I think this is useful advice for anyone facing down the dreaded Cancer beast. Try taking things day by day, if it is too much take it moment by moment. AND if things are really crappy call your Oncologist. Their goal is to get you through treatment.
That is all for now,
-I Fight Like a Woman
I had a rough weekend and morning due to lovely chemo side effects. Ended up at the Oncologists office getting extra fluids (having trouble drinking enough), steroids, Ativan for nausea and to help me chill out and a perscription to treat my thrush. Yes! I got the horrid Thrush! I also got a talking to about taking my meds, all of my meds when I need them and staying ahead. I am beginning to feel better and I am on board with that.
I had an interesting discussion with my best friend tonight. I usually try to be light about everything, sarcastic at times and I joke.
Tonight she said. Seriously how are you doing? Wow, what a question. It is a difficult one to answer because Cancer treatment is kind of a rollercoaster; just ask my amazing husband. I can be fine one moment and crying my eyes out the next. Between the drugs they give you, the fear you face on an almost daily basis, the loss of control over your life; it is enough to drive anyone mad.
I honestly know very little about what the future holds. I feel okay now, but I can wake up tomorrow feeling like total crap. There are times just hearing my husband play the ukulele; I begin to cry because statistics begin to play in my mind and I wonder, just for a second, will I beat this? Luckily the answer from me at least is a resounding yes, I do not know how I will beat this, but I will. I will grow old with my husband!!
So my answer for my friend was depends on the moment, the day. I need to break things down into moment by moment, day by day. Like for this moment I am doing okay. I think this is useful advice for anyone facing down the dreaded Cancer beast. Try taking things day by day, if it is too much take it moment by moment. AND if things are really crappy call your Oncologist. Their goal is to get you through treatment.
That is all for now,
-I Fight Like a Woman
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